Facing the Loss of a Client

Live Holistically is a multi-author site.
This post was written by: Susan Blue

Death brings its winged shadow
To cover the senses from the world we lived
Freeing us to the life that has always been.

There are those who have asked me to be part of their journey for leaving the body. I feel this is a great honor. It speaks volumes of the bond and intimacy that person and I have shared through the years. They the client, I the massage therapist.

I have listened with my ears, hands, and heart as they said what they could not say to a family member, a co-worker, a neighbor, or a friend. I held the whole of them as they cried, laughed, sighed, or have been quiet. The progression of illness or age bringing their life to an end.

Some surprised themselves with what they said and how they felt. They were relieved to hear that they too were grieving. My office was their private space. My home visits were given privacy by the family and nursing staff. What was accepted about their lives could be laid out in reflection. What wasn’t accepted was often made peace with. All the ideals, hopes, dreams gave way to: “Well, that is just how it was,” or “That was how things were then.”

Every single one of them had great courage and love. Some also had great fear. A few had life long ideals that dissolved in the actuality of dying. Their coming to the place of being was a surprise, a happy one.

With respect I ask them, what they think and what they know about death. Most of us have had deaths in the family, death of a pet, or some other incident. Many have shared what they were taught as a kid, then what they found out. Some of it was contradictory to their religion. That contradiction did little to shake their faith or devotion.

Most of them wanted to know what I thought of death. What I think is fairly unconventional. Having had some near death experiences, I base what I think on what I have experienced. But that doesn’t matter. I am not the one facing the great transition.

I have shared reading from Steven Levine’s “Who Dies.” I have also talked about Ram Dass’s work with the dying.
Listening from the heart became our meeting place and topic of conversations. In that listening from the heart, all of these loving and courageous people came to sense that their lives were from their hearts. All the discords, conflicts, vying for control, judgements, etc. had the listening of the heart built in to those experiences. They could allow themselves the inexperience and the dramas that had swept them away then back again. In passing, they knew how well and deeply they loved.

In passing, my life became richer because of them. I am more humanly human. Their sharing brought me closer to my soul and the risks and joys of living from my heart.

In passing, the memories of them became etched in my existence. I do not morn them now. I did not morn their deaths. I celebrated their courage, their insights, their love and sacrifices. I celebrate their wisdom and the generosity of spirit that they lived and died in.